


January Embers

by Waterbred_Fireblower



Category: IT (Movies - Muschietti), IT - Stephen King
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Emotional Manipulation, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Explicit Sexual Content, F/F, F/M, Hallucinations, Hypnosis, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Manipulation, Manipulative Relationship, Mixed feelings, Past Child Abuse, Past Sexual Abuse, Sexual Tension, depressive and heavy topics, positive mindsets regardless
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-24
Updated: 2020-01-29
Packaged: 2021-02-27 06:14:55
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,321
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22252420
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Waterbred_Fireblower/pseuds/Waterbred_Fireblower
Summary: This is a story based on being confused on your feelings.You love Beverly Marsh.But do you actually?Do you know what love is?Because, sometimes when you look in the mirror. You see yourself as the clown you seem to love, as well.
Relationships: Beverly Marsh/Reader, Pennywise (IT)/Reader, hints of love for other characters though
Kudos: 6





	1. I'm laughing, help

**Author's Note:**

> Also, don't get your panties in a twist, lil lady. You ain't a child in THIS story, alright? So, if you are. Might wanna leave- Though, you probably already read a whole bunch of clown-porn, ugh, gross. There is no clown-smut in this story, YET, you crazy-mofo.  
> Oh, if you were male, sorryyy- You count too, sweetie. You, tiny man, are also a sick fuck, hA-
> 
> There are also nO beta readers here, so aha, forgive my crappy writing skills ;)
> 
> ALSO, i wrote this on a phone, suck my pp

#  Chapter 1 

The darkness was never a friend, nor was it an enemy. More of an acquaintance. A mere bystander of the horrors that others hid among it. Lost cries, silent screams, muffled laughter. Innocent and corrupted blood mixing into each other, to become one. You could never blame the darkness for the things others caused. It was like when someone happened to be in the wrong place, at the wrong time. 

As you were. 

You weren't different. As far as you knew, you were normal. You weren't in any way, shape or form, different from the average human being. So, like other humans, you had problems. 

You were not immune to fears. Your traumatic past made sure of that. Of course, you knew how to keep quiet. It was like, you had forgotten why you were scared, so you came to believe you had no reason to fear something, you just did. Things were never easy for you this way. As, you had many fears.

But, nothing could compare to the way you felt in the darkness. 

You weren't sure if you were scared of it. The darkness. You just knew you couldn't stay in one place for long, because it never made you feel safe. 

But, you couldn't trust the light either. An ugly reminder of how more disgusting things can be, when you see it. In a way, you could never truly be happy with either one. 

You could see too much, in the light. Your eyes would pick up on anything and everything that would even move. But, you couldn't be satisfied with the dark, because you couldn't know what was there. 

What if something got you? 

What if you were bitten by something with a disease? 

What if you were knocked out? 

What if you were kidnapped? 

What if you were chased and torn apart? 

What if you could only hear something, and when you finally saw it, it was too late? 

Thoughts like these piled over one another, it was hard to focus and decide which one was the worst. You would have more time to think about it, if your friends hadn't popped you back into reality. 

'Helloooo??? Earth to [Y/N]!!! We gotta go!! It's your birthday-party-eve's-party party, you need to get oUt Of YoUr FrEaKiNg BaThRoOm, WaTeR tRoLL!!!' One of them called. You could hear the others moving about, stumbling in and out of the front door, giggling and muttering as they did so. 

'Just a minute!!' You holla back. 

'Alright, i'll tell the others. Again.' 

You giggle a little, as you fix up your hair. Gently, pulling it into roughly done pigtails. Nice, yet childish. Outside, you hear your friend loudly yell, 'YEAH, SHE'LL TAKE ABOUT 30 MORE MINUTES!' obviously trying to make sure you heard. 

You held back a laugh, forced an angry face, and stomped out of the bathroom. 

'I have been summoned due to disrespect-' You blurt out, trying to sound as pissed off as possible. 

'Oh no, I meant no disrespect!' Beverly giggled softly, looking down in false shame. 

'Kneel, and you may be forgiven. . .' 

'Yes, my Lord!' Beverly falls to one knee, bowing down at your feet. Her beautiful red hair falling gracefully over her shoulders, and around your lowered head. 

Beverly Marsh was known for her looks. But, nothing could ever beat her entire being. She was the most beautiful creature you had ever seen. 

Nothing could ever change that. 

Your face quickly becomes flustered, as you look away from her. 'Y-you may rise now. You have been forgiven.' 

In a flash, Beverly jumps to her feet, kisses your cheek, and rushes out the door. 'Thanks, sweets! I already packed your stuff, so you can just meet us in the car when you're ready, okay?'

Your heart slaps the inside of your chest, hard. You loved Beverly a lot. This did not help you in any way. In fact, this was hard to even believe that she would place your holy lips, on your filthy cheek. . . .this was sort of, out of her character. She usually was much more humble, in a way, but she seems so lively right now. So hyped. Like, she's extremely excited for something that you were unaware of. 

It took you a few moments to recover, but once you did, you backed up and rushed to your bedroom. You know what Bev said, but you are hoping she missed something that you were about to scavenge for. 

Once you were in your bedroom, you scanned the area, checking around, making sure no one noticed you as you searched for the item. Your fingers rummaged through the cupboards and closets, until you finally found it. After about 5 minutes of searching, you finally found it. 

A small flask, with pink dabs going up the sides of it. It was a gift, of course. But, it was dirty. 

After spending maybe, 10 more minutes cleaning the flask, you began to fill it with gin. As far as you knew, this was going to be a long ride, and you might need a little something to stay sane and calm. Gin wasn't the best. But, whatever works, works.

Surprisingly, no one was there to notice what you were doing. In fact, you had only seen Beverly today, but you were sure the others were here with you. As, you had heard them scattering about the house, like rats that weighed a lot and stomped everywhere. Giant rats. Of course, when you thought about it in more depth, you guess they could be counted as rats. Small, challenging to get rid off, lives in your home, eats your food, sleeps wherever, whenever. You were a hotel to those Losers. But, you loved them. If they ever needed you, you were always helping them in whatever way they needed. That's what they loved about you. That's what made these little rats keep clawing back to you. But, they weren't bad rats. They were the greatest rats. Like, pet rats. Your little babies! You could live without them, of course. But, you would mourn them day, after day, until you heard their familiar little squeaks.

A loud honk distracts you from your thoughts, your body jerks forward in fright as it does. Your fingers almost let go of the flask, but it's safe. Luckily. You mentally punch yourself for being so stupid, before sighing heavily, and waltzing outside. 

You see the ugliest mini van ever. Roof, covered in birdshit. Windows, lightly scratched. The sides had been slightly dented, causing it's once beautiful grey sides to be messy rough bumps going inwards. How that happened, you knew. You just wished you didn't. For, you were all well acquainted with Henry Bowers. No. He did not smash up this mini van. Richie did.

It was a messy Sunday night, everyone was drunk out of their mind. Everyone was partying out in the forest, someplace. You can't really remember. What you do remember is glancing over your shoulder and seeing a nerd in glasses, beating his own mini van with a golf club. Being who you were, you rushed over to him, well stumbled, and tried to calm him down. This took a lot of effort, but luckily, you weren't wasted as everyone else was. When you asked Richie why he was smashing his own car up, he responded with "Shhtupid fuckersh gonna fuckin kill me, he ishhhh!! Gotta ruin hishh carr, so i can kill him firshhtt, i gotta-" everything after was slurs and swears. He didn't say any of this calmly, either. He was crying. He was screaming. But, mostly. He was scared. You never knew what really happened, Henry said nothing had happened between the two. But, perhaps that was a lie. 

All you knew, was the mini was fucking ugly. 

But, that didn't matter. You looked up, immediately making eye contact with a window-squashed-face that belonged to the redheaded princess. . . .she looked beautifully excited. 

You snort loudly, before throwing yourself into the mini van, sitting in the left side middle row of the car. This made you in front of Bill, beside Stanley, and behind Beverly. Next to Bill sat Richie and Eddie, going on about something you didn't pay much attention to. Ben sat beside Stanley, while Mike was driving. You smiled and greeted everyone. 

'Everybody ready or does anyone need "a minute"?' Beverly smirks at you, motioning her fingers as she says "a minute" to add salt to the wound. 

'Ahem, i would like to take a minute. . . .' You begin. Everyone looks at you, wondering what you are about to say. Since your birthday is tomorrow, they seem to have gone completely tame for you. Except maybe Beverly. She's crazy. 

You clear your throat and say. 'To thank my family-' 

'AYEE!! FAMILY! FAMILY! FAM-I-LYYYYYYY' Beverly screams before turning to Mike and saying. 'Okay, let's go.' In a more calm tone. 

You start to think maybe she's on drugs.

Mike starts the van, backs up a bit, then drives on. Everyone begins to talk amongst themselves about random things. All, but you. You were friends with them all, but that doesn't mean you guys, yknow, connected? You never truly opened up to them, so they see you only as a caring mother-figure, who can't talk about herself without feeling selfish.

With this, you put your earphones in, and play music. The glorious tunes flood your ears as the trip continues on. You smile, as you think about Beverly and all she is to you. . .


	2. Guys, Please, No

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 'HOLY FUCK-'
> 
> 'What the heck was that?!' 
> 
> 'I don't fucking know! Something fucking weird, that's for sure!' 
> 
> 'Should we keep driving forward?!'
> 
> 'Obviously. The place is up here.' 
> 
> 'Yes yes, I was just saying, yknow, never mind.'
> 
> A loud sigh comes from Beverly, her voice sounding tired and frustrated. She seems to have calmed down since the last time you heard her.
> 
> Everyone saw it then. Nobody saw it now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay i have not fuckign reread this, i typed this all on a phone, jfc, jfc, jfc, jfc
> 
> *SNORE*

A sweet scent takes you far away from where you are. One of freshly baked goods, but in a much more elegant style. It made you think of a beautiful _Coeur a la Crème_ on a date with your best mirror. It's tasty aroma, nestling all around you. It sparked things inside you. Curiosity, relaxation, yet strangely enough, nervousness and hunger. _Beverly's new perfume. . ._ of course, it must be.

In your mind, you pictured her short red hair, blowing in the wind. How messy, but oddly beautiful it was. Her perfect body standing proud and confident, with only lingerie. How her smile increased as she saw you, her legs moving quickly towards you. Her hands in your hair as you kissed. Was it fierce? Was she gentle? What was her style? Did she dominate, or get dominated? You weren't sure, but you wanted to know. Your mind began to rush with the questions you just tried your best to answer. Your conclusion was : _She has been with men. She's most likely the dominated._

As obvious as that answer is, you would much rather like to be dominated. Especially, by the almighty Queen. Who wouldn't? You bet, even Bill would want her to dominate him, wait that's a bad example. You realise, it's pretty easy to dominate Bill. Well, you think so, at least. 

Your music begins to die down. You are uncertain why, and as you open your eyes slowly to adjust yourself in a more comfortable position (even though you've been in that same position for over 2 hours now), the car comes to a fast stop, causing your neck to collide with the belt. You choke in pain as it hits you, your brain focusing on that one painful area. Surprisingly, no one noticed you in pain. Everyone is focused on _what they just saw._

'HOLY FUCK-'

'What the heck was that?!' 

'I don't fucking know! Something fucking weird, that's for sure!' 

'Should we keep driving forward?!'

'Obviously. The place is up here.' 

'Yes yes, I was just saying, yknow, never mind.'

A loud sigh comes from Beverly, her voice sounding tired and frustrated. She seems to have calmed down since the last time you heard her.

Everyone saw it then. Nobody saw it now. 

The car keeps moving, slowly. In the distance, you thought you could see floating orbs coloured a bright beautiful yellow in a dark setting. You'd like to say you only saw 2, but you saw more than that. In fact, there were dozens of them, they were tiny, and seemed to be coming from something else. 

Something behind the bush.

You would have liked to get a better look, but Stanley started shaking your shoulder. Some desperate action, you supoosed.

'Y/N, Y/N, Y/N'

'Yeah, what is it?' You responded, but never turned to him. 

'Did you see that creature?'

'Huh?' 

'The one Mike almost hit'

'i DID NOT ALMOST HIT IT, STAN, IT'S BEVERLYS FAULT' Mike roared defensively.

'Yaaaawwwwnnnn' Beverly rolled her eyes. 

Mike and Beverly didn't continue after that.

Stan turns back to you, smiles slightly and says. 'It looked like your mom!'

You snorted, giggling slightly before saying. 'Damn, it must have been drop dead gorgeous!' 

You both laughed for a little bit, before realizing what was said. It felt awkward. Stan seemed disappointed in himself, whilst you felt your mom bitch slap you in the afterlife.

You don't want to remember what happened, so you won't. 

'Sorry, y/n. I won't bring it up again.'

'What? It or my Mom?' 

Stanley fell silent, and you realized the entire air in the car had gotten colder. The atmosphere felt wrong. Everything felt wrong, but you just couldn't pin point why it was wrong. 

You were about to ask something when Beverly screeched. 'WE'RE HERE!!' 

A small cabin. Covered in webs, surrounded by trees, the windows slightly cracked. It may have been a bit dark, but you could see it clear as day. 

Everyone got out of the car, grabbing their belongings as well. You slowly approached the cabin without your baggage. 

You never feared spiders, so the webs didn't bother you as much. But, the grubs in the walls. That bugged you. A lot. 

Everybody went inside, but you told them you'd get your stuff first. However, when you went to grab it, you had another thing coming.


End file.
